On March 23, 2006 I attended the etiquette dinner hosted by CareerWorks. It gave students a chance to sit with alumni in their field and practice formal etiquette when eating in a business setting (Darren Achtzehn, Seton Hill University’s food services director, gave an excellent presentation). And while this event successfully taught us how to eat in a formal setting, it didn’treally touch upon the etiquette of everyday life in Lowe Dining Hall. So, I�ve taken it upon myself to instruct you on how to eat a proper meal in the dining hall.
The first thing you have to do when entering the hall is pick a table. A general rule of thumb is that the dining hall gets louder the closer you get to the big windows facing the Music Department. So if you are a quiet, mousy-type, sit towards the entrance.
By Mike Rubino,
Cartoonist/Illustrator
On March 23, 2006 I attended the etiquette dinner hosted by CareerWorks. It gave students a chance to sit with alumni in their field and practice formal etiquette when eating in a business setting (Darren Achtzehn, Seton Hill University’s food services director, gave an excellent presentation). And while this event successfully taught us how to eat in a formal setting, it didn’treally touch upon the etiquette of everyday life in Lowe Dining Hall. So, I�ve taken it upon myself to instruct you on how to eat a proper meal in the dining hall.
The first thing you have to do when entering the hall is pick a table. A general rule of thumb is that the dining hall gets louder the closer you get to the big windows facing the Music Department. So if you are a quiet, mousy-type, sit towards the entrance.
Once you have your seat, it’s time to get some food. Depending on what meal you attend, your options tend to change. The main line is your best source for meat, potatoes, French fries and rice. The best way to get anything out of the line is to immediately cut in front of people so that you can jump right to what you want. If you are just entering the line for water, why wait your turn like a gullible goodnick? Just walk up to the water dispenser – who cares if you slow down the line for everyone else? It’s survival of the fittest, right? And if you are getting anything out of the line that is soupy, saucy or creamy, make sure you drop the scoop or ladle right into the food.
Next comes the actual eating experience. The first thing you have to do is make sure the bass on the dining hall stereo is all the way up. This allows you to develop a healthy headache while forcing your music tastes on the entire campus. And, if the music is loud enough, you can carry on an entire conversation by yelling. It’s really the best way to communicate over a good, hot meal. It’s never a bad idea to scream really loud, and yell to other people at other tables – forcing everyone around you to realize that you are, in fact, in the dining hall. And always make sure that when you are finished with your plates, you smoosh them on top each other, causing food to splatter on to the trays. It grosses out everyone else at the table, and makes you look like a connoisseur!
If you are going for dessert, you usually have two choices: baked goods or ice cream. If you are going for the baked goods, make sure you take the last piece of anything that’s sitting out. That way, even if you don’twant it, someone who does can’tget it. If going for ice cream, make sure you dip the scooper into a number of different flavors before getting the one you really want. This gives your ice cream a unique taste, and gives everyone the opportunity to try a bite regardless of which flavor they really want.
At the end of the meal, when everyone is stuffed to the gills with food, make sure you march out of the cafeteria in a large group. In fact, collect people as you march to the exit, and then file out one by one. That way, anyone trying to get in to the dining hall has to wait as dozens of people walk out the solitary entrance. This allows people trying to enter to build up their appetite, and anger (this is good, because people tend to eat more when they�re angry).
So go on, get out there and eat! Rest in knowing that these tips will surely make you the most proper college diner on campus.
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