1. Cha Sa-Soon, a 68-year-old South Korean woman, has failed her driver’s license test 778 times. Perhaps I shouldn’t feel so bad about the amount of times it took me to pass. Six doesn’t seem like so many anymore.
By Daniella Choynowski
Center Spread Editor
1. Cha Sa-Soon, a 68-year-old South Korean woman, has failed her driver’s license test 778 times. Perhaps I shouldn’t feel so bad about the amount of times it took me to pass. Six doesn’t seem like so many anymore.
2. Latreasa Davis called 911 after she was informed McDonald’s ran out of the McNuggets she had just purchased. Never mind that fact that the store offered her another selection from the menu. It was either a refund or Chicken McNuggets, and Latreasa received neither.
3. The Octo-Mom-we get it: the situation is sad and a little creepy.
4. Sinatra Song helps man win conch-blowing contest-Lloyd Mager wins with his medley of “Strangers in the Night” and “Hava Nagilah”. Ol’ Blues Eyes’s legacy lives on.
5. Chris Brown and Rihanna- in the words of Oprah: “If he hit you once, he will hit you again.” Rihanna, take your umbrella and run.
6. 500 Pounds of Marijuana Found on Fabulous Tour Bus-the men’s defense: they were just transporting it. They claim they couldn’t recall the name of the rapper they were delivering it to. Anyone surprised by that?
7. Man With Ice Cream In Pants Offers Owner $69-he also tried to steal Ramen noodles and Famous Amos cookies. Total value of stolen goods: probably around $6. Bail: $500. Never underestimate the stupidity of the human race.
8. Man Caught Smuggling Pigeons in his Trousers- Now he may face 10 years in jail.
9. Kangaroo Intruder Terrorizes Sleeping Family-The wife thought it was a crazy ninja at first.
10. Police Thought Mandy Custard Stunt Was Funny-in protest over a new runway, Leila Deen threw green custard at Lord Mandelson. Now she’s a public hero.
11. Captive Chimp Found Planning Attacks on Zoo Visitors-he made weapons at night to throw at zoo visitors. The monkey received a rather harsh punishment.
12. ‘Massage Therapists’ Remove Man’s Pants, Take Cash-They also took his marijuana. No wonder he thought they were massage therapists…
13. Saudis to lash 75-year-old woman for mingling-She is to get 40 lashes for talking to men not in her family. The men were arrested for delivering bread to her house.
14. Cow Pee Coming Soon to a Beverage Section Near You-It’s supposedly like Gatorade. Yeah…right.
15. Conversation Hearts to Honor “Twilight” Film-Combining something that people like but don’t want to admit and something people hate because it tastes like chalk
16. NY Man Claims NJ Physic Defrauded Him of 250,000-he never received the statue to ward off negativity that she was supposed to build. She’s unreachable for contact-she foresaw his anger and skipped town.
17. Washing Machine Liberated Women Most? -There’s nothing liberating dragging laundry down four flights of steps and across a quad.
18. Cocaine in Spain is hidden by a sprain? -a man was arrested with a leg cast made entirely out of cocaine-he may have broken his leg on purpose. Best headline ever!
19. Georgia Inmate Arrested trying to get back into Jail-He broke out to get smokes. At least he’s not the stupidest criminal: that honor belongs to the Klondike bandit.
20. Octopus Gets Inside Lunchbox at Aquarium-Truman the octopus couldn’t open his lunchbox, so he squeezed into a 2-inch hole.
21. Nebraska Man Accused of Stuffing Cat Into Bong-He claims he was just trying to “calm it down”.
22. L.A. County Tries for Cuss-Free Week-The event has met protests. Mobs sit outside meetings of the club and swear.
23. Geeksta Rap Rising-I never though something would make me long for Vanilla Ice. Here’s a sample: “I hated gym ‘cuz I never was athletic/I played a couple sports just to keep it copacetic.” What poetry!
24. For Young President, Flecks of Gray-Oh give him a break. He’s dealing with the worst economic state since 1929.
25. Fire Meets Desire-okay this one isn’t so recent (December), but seriously-why would you buy a perfume that smells like a Whopper when you can stand in the Burger King lobby for free? Moreover, why is this “burger in a bottle” continually sold out?